Do You Have to Say Personal Vows in your Wedding?
Thinking about writing your own wedding vows? Here’s what you actually need to say — and why you don’t have to share your personal vows in front of everyone.
If the thought of standing in front of all your favourite people and reading a deeply personal love letter to your partner makes you feel a little bit… 😳 you don't have to do it!
One of the things I often talk to couples about is their wedding vows.
Some couples love the idea of writing their own vows and sharing them during the ceremony.
Others absolutely do not.
And both are completely okay.
As a marriage celebrant in Brisbane, I’ve seen lots of different approaches to wedding vows over the years, and there really isn't one "right" way to do it.
The most important thing is that your ceremony feels like you.
Do you have to say personal wedding vows in Australia?
No. You do not have to write or share personal vows during your wedding ceremony.
There are specific legal words that each person needs to say as part of a civil marriage ceremony in Australia. These are often referred to as your legal vows.
Your personal vows are completely different.
They're the promises, stories, feelings and commitments that you choose to share with each other — and they can be as funny, romantic, short, sentimental or completely non-traditional as you like.
And here's the bit I really want couples to know:
Your personal vows don't have to be said during your ceremony.
You could:
Share them during the ceremony in front of your guests
Read them privately to each other before the ceremony
Exchange them after the ceremony
Read them during your wedding photos
Share them during a private moment on your wedding day
Write letters to each other instead
Or decide that personal vows simply aren't your thing and either keep it just to the legal vows or add to them with inspiration vows from my sample vows (adapt to what feels right for you)
There is no rule saying your most personal promises have to be made while all of your guests are watching (some of whom you may not have even met yet!)
In fact, I've had couples who have chosen to share their personal vows privately because they wanted that moment to be just theirs, and that was right for them.
So, what actually needs to be said to get legally married in Australia?
This is where your celebrant comes in.
For a civil marriage ceremony in Australia, the Marriage Act 1961 sets out specific requirements for what needs to happen during the ceremony.
Your authorised marriage celebrant must say the legal monitum before the marriage is solemnised. This explains the legal nature of marriage in Australia. The Act requires the celebrant to say the prescribed words, or words to that effect (ask me if you want the exact words).
And what do you have to say to each other?
Each person getting married must say words to the effect of:
“I call upon the persons here present to witness that I, [Full name], take you, [Full name], to be my lawful wedded [wife/husband/spouse/married partner].”
The Marriage Act allows words to that effect, which means your celebrant can help you choose wording that works for you while still meeting the legal requirements.
So no, you don't need to stand there and recite a five-minute poem about your love story to legally become married!
You need to say the required legal words.
Everything beyond that is up to you and your celebrant.
What's the difference between legal vows and personal vows?
This is something that can be confusing when you're planning your ceremony, so here's the simple version.
Legal vows
These are the words required under Australian marriage law.
They are part of the legal process of getting married and must be said by each person in the presence of your authorised celebrant and your two witnesses.
Your celebrant will guide you through this.
Personal vows
These are your words.
They might include:
What you love about your partner
The things you've been through together
Promises for your future
Your favourite memories
The ridiculous little things you love about each other
Your hopes for married life
A few promises you know you'll actually keep
And maybe a little bit of humour!
There are no legal requirements about what your personal vows need to say.
They can be one sentence.
They can be a page.
They can be funny.
They can be emotional.
They can be completely unique to you.
Or you can skip them altogether.
"But I'm terrible at writing!"
You're definitely not alone.
I hear this one a LOT.
And honestly, writing your wedding vows doesn't have to mean sitting down and suddenly producing the most beautifully written piece of literature you've ever created.
Your vows should sound like you, not like something you've copied from Pinterest.
Start by thinking about your relationship rather than trying to write "wedding vows".
Ask yourself:
What do I love about this person?
What made me realise they were my person?
What are some of the ordinary moments that mean the most to me?
What have we been through together?
What makes us laugh?
What do I promise to do — and what do I promise NOT to do?
And perhaps most importantly:
What do I want my partner to know on the day we get married?
Once you start there, the words usually become much easier.
You can also download my FREE GUIDE on How to Write Your Own Wedding Vows in 3 Simple Steps
How long should wedding vows be?
There is no legal minimum or maximum length for your personal vows.
My advice?
Don't make them longer just because you think wedding vows are supposed to be long.
A few heartfelt sentences can be incredibly meaningful.
And if you're both writing your own vows, it's worth agreeing roughly how long you'd like them to be before the wedding day.
You don't want one person arriving with a three-page essay while the other has written:
"I love you. You're my favourite person. Let's do this."
Although… depending on the couple, that could actually be very on-brand! 😂
The goal isn't to make your vows the longest part of the ceremony.
It's to make them meaningful.
I will offer to review your personal vows for sentiment and length and give you feedback without giving anything away!
Do we have to say the same vows?
No.
Your personal vows don't need to match.
In fact, I often think it's much nicer when each person writes their own words.
You can make different promises to each other based on your personalities and your relationship.
One person might be sentimental.
The other might be hilarious.
One might write a beautiful story about how they met.
The other might promise to always bring home snacks.
That's okay.
Your vows should sound like the two people saying them.
What if I get too emotional?
This is another reason some couples decide not to read personal vows during their ceremony.
And that's completely fine.
If you think you'll become a sobbing mess the second you look at your partner, you're not failing at weddings!
You're human. ❤️
You can always:
Keep your vows short
Have a copy with you
Ask your celebrant to help if you get stuck
Read your vows privately
Exchange letters instead
Or simply choose not to have personal vows
And if you do decide to read them during the ceremony and the tears come?
We'll pause.
Take a breath.
Have a laugh.
And keep going.
Those little unscripted moments are often the moments you'll remember. I’ve got you.
Can we write our own vows but keep them private?
Absolutely.
This is one of my favourite alternatives.
You can write personal vows for each other and exchange them privately before or after the ceremony.
That means you still get the beautiful experience of putting your feelings into words without having to share something deeply personal with your entire guest list.
You could even make this part of your wedding photography.
Imagine finding a quiet spot together, exchanging your vows or letters, and having your photographer capture that moment.
No microphone.
No audience.
No pressure.
Just the two of you.
What should I include in my wedding vows?
If you're looking for somewhere to start, try this simple structure:
1. Start with your story
Think about how you met, your first date, when you knew this relationship was different, or a moment that captures who you are together.
2. Say what you love
Not just "you're kind and funny".
Think about the little things.
The everyday things.
The things nobody else notices.
3. Talk about your life together
What have you already experienced?
What have you learned about each other?
What have you overcome?
4. Make some promises
These don't all need to be serious.
Promise to support each other.
Promise to keep laughing.
Promise to be there when life gets difficult.
And if it suits you, throw in a promise to always let them have the last piece of chocolate.
5. Look to the future
What are you excited about?
What kind of life do you want to create together?
What does marriage mean to you?
And finally…
6. Finish with something that sounds like you
It doesn't need to be poetic. It just needs to be true.
Can you have personal vows at a legal-only wedding?
Yes!
A legal-only wedding doesn't mean your ceremony has to be completely devoid of personality.
You can have a simple ceremony with just the two of you and your two witnesses and still choose to exchange personal vows.
Or you can keep the legal ceremony very short and save your personal promises for a private moment afterwards.
This can be a lovely option for couples having a legals-only wedding or elopement in Brisbane, particularly if you're keeping the day intimate and relaxed.
What else is legally required for a wedding in Australia?
Your vows are only one part of the legal process.
To legally marry in Australia, you generally need to:
Be marrying someone who you are legally able to marry
Freely consent to the marriage
Complete a Notice of Intended Marriage (NOIM) and have your signatures witnessed by an authorised person (this can be your Celebrant)
Give the NOIM to your authorised marriage celebrant at least one month and no more than 18 months before the wedding
Have the marriage solemnised by an authorised marriage celebrant
Have at least two witnesses who are aged 18 or over
Say the required legal words during the ceremony
Complete the required legal documentation.
There are some circumstances where the one-month notice period can be shortened by an appropriate authority, so if you're working with less than one month before your proposed wedding date, talk to an authorised celebrant as soon as possible. Read my article on shortening of time for more information.
And importantly, you don't need to be an Australian citizen or permanent resident to get married in Australia.
Your wedding vows don't have to look like anyone else's
I think this is the most important thing I'd like couples to take away from all of this.
There is no prize for having the longest vows.
There is no prize for making your vows sound like a Hollywood movie.
And there is definitely no requirement to stand in front of everyone and reveal your deepest, most personal thoughts if that makes you uncomfortable.
Your wedding ceremony should reflect you.
Maybe that's personal vows in front of 120 guests.
Maybe it's handwritten letters exchanged privately.
Maybe it's a few simple promises.
Maybe it's a legal-only ceremony with just the two of you and your witnesses.
Maybe it's a little bit of everything.
As your celebrant, my job isn't to make your ceremony fit some wedding template.
It's to help you create a ceremony that feels comfortable, meaningful and genuinely like the two of you.
And when it comes to your vows?
There really is no right or wrong way to say "I choose you".
Just make sure the legal words are covered — and then make the rest yours.
Thinking about writing your own wedding vows?
If you're getting married in Brisbane or around South East Queensland and you're not sure what you want your ceremony or vows to look like, I'd love to help.
I'm a Brisbane marriage celebrant and I've been marrying couples for more than 16 years. I can help you work out the legal bits, the ceremony structure, your vows and all those little details that can make your ceremony feel personal without making it feel cheesy or overdone.
And if personal vows aren't your thing?
That's okay too.
Let's create a ceremony that feels like you.
Newly engaged? Welcome! ❤️
Have a look around, check out my ceremony options, and if you'd like to have a chat about your plans, get in touch for a no-obligation chat.
Trudy the Celebrant x
Quick answers about wedding vows in Australia
Do you have to write your own wedding vows in Australia?
No. Personal vows are optional. You do, however, need to say the legally required words as part of a civil marriage ceremony.
What are the legal wedding vows in Australia?
Each person must say words to the effect of: “I call upon the persons here present to witness that I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawful wedded [wife/husband/spouse].” Your celebrant will guide you through the exact wording.
Can wedding vows be different for each person?
Yes. Your personal vows can be completely different and can reflect each person's personality and relationship.
Can you get married without personal vows?
Yes. You can have a legally valid civil ceremony without exchanging personal vows, provided the legal requirements are met.
Can we say our personal vows privately?
Yes. Many couples choose to exchange personal vows or letters privately before or after their ceremony.
How long should wedding vows be?
There is no required length for personal vows. Short, genuine vows can be just as meaningful as longer ones.
Do both people have to say vows?
Each party must say the required legal words. Personal vows are optional.
How many witnesses do we need at an Australian wedding?
A marriage ceremony requires at least two witnesses who are 18 or older.
How much notice do you need to get married in Australia?
Generally, your Notice of Intended Marriage must be given to your authorised celebrant at least one month before the wedding and no more than 18 months before it.
